My Indox "October 25, 2009"
你為我改變了太多 寶貝 我真的好愛你
每當看見你與從前的不同 我的淚水總會滑下來 只是你沒看見
戀愛中的你 好像個大小孩 可愛的大男孩
我想說 你是個很好的男朋友 真的很滿分
能做你的女朋友 我真的感到好好好幸福
你知道嗎 每一個早晨 每一個夜晚 睡醒睡前 你是第一個記憶畫面
每一天 我總好想你 想你陪我吃 陪我讀書 陪我做功課 XD
好想好想 你就是我的所有
話 說回來 我不需要像別的女生要求要有錢有車的男朋友 我知道你是大丈夫 我也好喜歡 所以我知道你不會接受老婆幫你 那麼我決定了 我陪你省錢 你要記得 我永遠的等你 因為我知道有一天你會出人頭地 會養我照顧我 是不是？所以你的承諾要好好遵守哦 好好念書 我要看到你成功
好了 累了 我陪你一塊兒睡覺 給多我幾分鐘整理時間表 就睡了
記得 你和我 永遠都是一樣的 我會一直在你背後 做你的快樂老婆
~废话连篇~
旧的不走，新的不来！
Yo! Damn! I'm in good mood! Having 35 kills with Slark wow~ Only die once~
When DotA-ing, Thing of having my new blog...
ＮＥＷ ＢＬＯＧ！！！
Aiya... Dunno what it is going to call... zZzzz q[U.U]p
"生活走为两个人" Madness of The Past
Put my previous post aside. Now, I'm going to talk something mad.
Talking about spending time with your love ones, you must understand them, care for them, or just like 海派甜心's teory, make your love one happy, always have a smile on the face.
The SMS is still here, she always mentioned about, why am I always didn't care about her feeling? Then I wanna say, why don't she put this in my way, I ask her back about what she told me.
She talks about, she have dream, and I will affect her mood and innovation, and she told that, “我把生活走为两个人... 可是你是一个人！一个人生活一个人走....” Then I will say out loud, we NEVER MEET BEFORE, of coz we are walking alone. All I can do is to phone her every night, I can't even stay beside her to keep you warm. ONLY MESSAGES to keep you warm only.
When talking about hanging out together, she will say, SPM arh, I have to study. Har? After SPM arh? Maybe I'm very busy... And she says, "If you really love someone, meeting each other is really that important?"
What can I say? Everyone is asking, do you meet her before? Asked about this and that, I don't even have the answers because of I never meet her. Shame isn't it? What a silly person I am. Always pretending infront of my friends.
And for her comfort when some BIG INCIDENT happened, I don't really need them actually, I was just dragging time for me to think, or maybe it is just a excuses for her to show some care on me.
And talking about “你每天都只是忙你的东西，和我信息... 可以不回的，要不然就是三个钟回一封！”， she don't even like to SMS or MSN, only love to make phone calls. Sometimes, I'm in the class, and my phone is on vibration mode. I waited for her reply, but it takes a long time, so I just leave it be, that is why I didn't recheck my inbox.
Then are she understand me well enough? When I want to explain, she sure won't accept, because she have her OWN RULES. And I have to follow. If there is a single rejection of her, the quarrel will be back.
She is talking about, I am toying her. Then I would say, am I a tool to her? She has feelings, and I don't?
And I was blaming myself everytimes, every second, what for? I'm always thinking of, what I did wrong? How to solve this? How to solve that? Did she thinks of that?
Why am I blaming myself?! Did I really did wrong?! Ya! Maybe I do! I did something wrong when I really can't take it anymore. I almost got bang by a car when I was having a phone call, asking her "How are you?" on the middle of the road. And what is her reply? nothing. But showing me some EMO reaction.
She got her temper, and I got mine. What she told me at the last day, "你不觉得我很自私吗？我把我们的感情...我很乱..." On that time, I wanted to say, "我比你跟乱!" I was busy preparing to go to my cousin's house, it was in a hurry situation. But still, I have to listen to some explaination of hers.
And she don't know about my parents expression, when I looked at them, their face are black in color, sitting on the sofa, waiting for me. And I'm holding my handphone with my shoulder while I was wearing my jeans in my room. Then I heard that my mom said in low voice to my dad, “你的孩子真不懂事，要不要他也罢，最好他搬去那女子的家，不用烦，不必要一直看到他包电话粥。”
Did she think of my feeling on that time? And I have to drive afterward, and she does not even know that I'm scare of roads, Ah Lai do. I cannot drive when my mind is in a mess.
Because I was to damn FUCKING things to think of, I forgot to bring my charger, and my handphone was running out of batteries.
And what she told her friends, "Jason Lim don't want her, I want to break up with her." Ya, maybe I really do, coz she never cares.
When she talks about old stories of hers, I really doesn't care. Now you are with me, don't ever drag them and put it in my situation. Do she know what I feel? She asked me not to say that word, and I was controlling myself not to say it. But that is a strong word, and it is meant to say on that time.
Because of her bad past and I have to do that, It does not matters to me! ALL I CARE IS, SHE CAN PUT DOWN THE PAST, AND JUST ACCEPT IT, ACCEPT THE WORD, ACCEPT ME! I was hoping that She can take it as a help for herself, a cure, not about what I need from her.
But when I explain this to her, what will she says? I don't have the need to forget, and she gives me tons of "!@#$%^&*" And at the last, I'm still think, Did she ever listen to me?
And now, it is like, I owe her everything, like she are the one who only got hurt.
I was planning to give her a gift for Christmas, but it doesn't really matters anymore.
The thing I was gonna do is full with meanings and thoughts for her, but I got no chance to show that anymore.
Well, maybe it was a good thing too, to show me something.
"生活走为两个人" I really does not see that coming.
I can only see a herside, not both on myside.
EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HER, NOT ME.
Hope I could see what is in her mind.
Does it really matters about what she thinks?
It does, It always does, I Care.
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Why Am I Being Emotive? =.=
Why Am I Writing This In This Time? =.=!!
My Second Blog Post
Phew~ 神早老老 then starting to do a morning day dreaming already~
There is still a funny thing that I felt inside myself, but I never review it. But it won't be again, because I'm going to write about it right now!
LoL!~ Maybe it will sound silly and childish Q.Q!!
3 Month ago, I got to knew her, then I do some stupid talking, or you can called it "some advices"~ Whatever you called it. Then, we be together already.
What am I planning on that time?
"NEVER GET TOO SERIOUS ABOUT HER", that is what I planned.
I won't step into this big and deep hole of LOVE.
Ya! That is what I think!
I'm bad, isn't it? But what can I do while having a stranger as my girlfriend?
Because I never know her well, never meet her before, never this never that, bla bla bla~ So, I hurt her unexpectedly.
I still remembered, I was overnight at Poh's house,
and I was lying on the bed,
sleeping witout answering any calls. What an bad egg I am... =.=
Then, I finally realized that, I'm wrong,
I shouldn't think of any of "NEVER GET TOO SERIOUS ABOUT HER"
I tried to understand her, care about her.
Days after days, I fell into this stupid hole!
Now, I'm getting serious about it.
So, I'm "upgrading" myself to her.
But one day, I posted this on my second blog,
For sometimes, I'm really scare of talking to her. I must be extremely care for what I'm saying. Especially when I was tired at around 11pm or later. Every phone call for the night, I'm sure that I will got scold by my parents.
And don't know why, everytimes, my friends came, or my dad/mom called me to do something, WHAT A COINCIDENCE. She will asked me to call her. This is because I'm not a good taker, I end up quarrel with her. And for my mom's side, I will always quarrel with my mom after I hang up the phone. This makes me feel really tired... and scary... And 1st, I have to protect her, so that my mom's saying wont hurt my babe's feeling.
This is not all, there is still many others stories. This is just some point of view from my side, but when it is applied to her side, it will be a total chaos. I have to think for her. Just like a SMS that I saved for more than 14 months, it says that, our girlfriend would never wrong. And this is actually true. No matter what, I have to care about their feelings.
Ah Poh asked me that night, are you really love her? What would you feel now? When she is not around? I replied him, I'm scare, I want to talk to her, but I don't know where to start, I don't wanna lost her, but I'm still mad for something...
It is a complete mess right now. Will this relationship affect my studies? Ya, It will definitely affect my studies, I can see that right now. But I hope that I can overcome this, and be with her, A better her, and Myself."
This happened after I have the 1st quarrel with her.
Below will be the next post on my second blog, it was the days when I still have her.
Today, 22, September, Sunday, 2.55pm, I called her, but felt un-satisfy at the end of the conversation. I was planning to have some light meal at 3.30pm with my dad outside, then I will continue to do research on my design, then sketch out a comprehensive idea at 4pm. Unfortunately, she keep on talking and talking, and I can't hung up the phone, I can just lie on the bed and listen to her voice.
My mom was warning me not to have too long conversation with her when our conversation had started. But I lie to her when she asked me, is it my mom who is talking? I just want her to talk happily, don't wanna let her feel guilty for talking too long. I know she will felt un-satisfy too when she is happy talking to me and I will say, I have to go in a sudden.
Tick tock tick tock, the time is running and it is 4pm already. I miss a meal with my dad at 3.30pm, and I have to start doing my homework with unhappy thoughts. I was really unhappy talking for too long, especially with a handphone and there is my parents around.
I hold my breath and went to my bedroom and called her, just to stay a far distance with my parent, JUST TO TALK TO HER. I'm not a person who loves to talk on the phone actually, all of my freinds know that, I never call. A simple SMS will be my reply to their requests or questions.
And now, I'm sitting right here, moodless, and can't even think of any ideas for my design, my FUKING homework. This work should be interesting and fun, but end up, everything is a FUKING mess.
I was thinking, how am I going to design when I'm not in the mood. And still, when I get back to my living after the call, I have to face that bitch, my mom. It is totally frustrated to me.
GOD DAMN it, I have to do it at night, maybe until 10.30am. And I won't call her at night when my mom is out, MAYBE."
Talking bout, I'm childish at my previous post, I would like to update it. What is childish actions that I'm doing right now, right in our relationship. 1st of all, I was talking with her, almost every night,for 1 hour per day, per night. It will cost my health badly. Everytimes she said, I'm worry this, I'm worry that, It is just kinda a non sense to me, althought it is some sweet msg. But everytimes talk with her without a headset, is it really that healthy? Should she worry for my health? Maybe she have, but I does not really see it.
When she asked me to call her, I will fear for it, coz I will never know when can I hung up the phone call when I really needed to. After I do that, she will feel down instantly, sounds very sad and unhappy to that.
The second thing, it affects my studies. I'm really tired of it sometimes. Coz whenever talk to her on the phone or MSN, I have to be really careful what I said. If she say yes, I will not say not. And then, I will felt really uncomfortable and angry, but I just can't show the anger to her, just to make sure she is happy for the conversation. Maybe she is not that happy with that? I don't know.
There is many things that hide behind our mind, but we are hiding from our love ones, don't want them to get hurt, don't want them to get unhappy. That's all. "
For an example, yesterday night, Tuesday, November 24, 9.00pm, I called her.
And why I called? Because I want her to be happy. Actually, I can just ignore and start doing my work, I'm that kind of person. I already know, the phone call will cost my time, and it is more than 1 hour...
I found out that, I can't do anything at midnight, I'm so damn angry for myself for acting so FUKING childish. I don't know how to handle things on myself, only waste of my FUKING time, and keep on blaming myself for that.
I skipped typo (TUTORIAL) class at last. I slept at 3.45am today. Why? Because of my assignments? nah... I can't even think of any simple idea, I was too tired. I was just lying on my sofa, waiting, hoping her to SMS me when she woke up.
And she did. Finally, I can get ready for my sleep. But I scared that she was lonely, so i keep my eyes closed and SMS her, I was too damn tired at the moment.
Back to my studies, It is getting worse... I never skip tutorial classes for more than 5 times in a row. And I did in this semester. Especially I know my babe, no offense.
Wednesday, November 25, 6.45pm, my babe juz SMS-ed me, she asked me to call her. But I really can't call her right now! I don't wanna got scolded by my parents again! And the phone call will takes me a lot od time and energy! I thought she will understand, but she don't. Im so freaking PISS! I just ignore everything for tonight! Have my dinner, go for YC session to reduce some tension."
I miss her so so so Much...I'm Really going to be crazy... Looks like someone is treating her better enuff. No no no,
T-Shirt & Shoes Design Exhibition Day
Today, I drive to college, again! And this time with Ah Lai Tumpang-ing my car!
Talking about today's Event,
Wow! Our T-Shirt & Shoes Design Exhibition is like a pasar malam!
I heard a guard asked,
Wah, kasut baru ke? Kamu pergi tu Sport Complex? Ada Discount sana?!
Funny thing~
Today, My shoes design was picked, and I can't take back my shoes... T.T Give back my $!
Other than that, our group, E-MORE's T-Shirt Design was picked too!
When I compare my shoes design to the whole course, what will the result be =.= Really want to know. And our tutors don't even give us any comments for our deisng... Sien!
Here is some photos~
Adui Adui Adui! Exam is coming already, what am I thinking?!
Ahaha! Still have lots of sketches to do!
School Exhibition
Nyek Nyek Nyek~ Our school is having a Exhibition, Specially for us, Design Students!
Gonna shoot photos today~ Hope So~!
Daily Updates~
Kai Jian's work of my Spiderman~
Cool Pose!
Today I sketched a SPECIAL and INTERESTING portrait! It starts with "C"! But haven't finished yet!
Finally have the guts to sketch out!
Will be continue to that!
I found out that many people having a lot of MOODY post on their Facebook and blogs.
OMG! They Are Getting Me MOODY Along With Them Too! Shit~! >.<||
Back to same old days~ DotA DotA and DotA~
Finally, my 46 win streak DotA Matches in 2 weeks has finally ended... T.T
Sad~
Tuesday is going to have exhibition for our T-Shirt Design and Shoes Design! Cant wait!
New Year Eve
Yo I'm back! Just back from badminton session of coz~
Finally I know... I can't even do a simple sport with this big tummy! 20 minutes strokes already can give me a heart attack!
Tomorrow have to attend Tamadun Asia's tutorial class... Sien! Got bar for this subject! Plz! hope there is no my name in second bar list! If not... I'm doomed...
Tomorrow is New Year Eve! I'm going for clubbing! Yo~ Whole gang is going to gathe there, sounds FUN!
Happy New Year guys!
Time Filling (part2)
Half Way Done of My Sketching!
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Today play DotA until 2 of my DotA Net-friends leave my game =.=
No need to ask why~ XD
Time Filling
I do sketching to fill up some of my time.
I still have 3 more Photography exercises to do! Tuesday is deadline!
My Incomplete Sketch.
Playing DIRT 2!
Wanted to play this game, DIRT 2 long long time ago!
Because I got a 100kbps DL speed, so I got this game and it is awesome!
End of Basic Web Page Design Assignment, Here comes Christmas!
Ahahaha! I finished my web page design Assignment! Yahuuu!
Yeah Yeah Yeah!!! {o0o} Web page design {o0o}
I'm getting Crazier and Crazier~!
Christmas Eve is here! Ahahaha! Lets celebrate! Steamboat Steamboat!!!
HoHoHo~ Merry Christmas!
Aiya, Christmas no present for my friends... Pai Seh orhh >.<
Say Out Loud! Jason Lim is Stupid!
Argh! Back to English!
Walao eh! I don't know that and I can't understand that! There is only @@ in my mind!
And hor, I finally realized that I'm that STUPID! Stupid on something! ahahaha! Finally! I got it in mind!
Fucking assignment is punishing my mind now. Going to sleep soon!
Going to have Web page war tomorrow morning!! Charge to Victory~!
它是时候搬家了！
Steamboat "Assignment"! Wait me!
I'm coming for you!!!
珍惜的爱
Assignment都还没做完，我就在这写了...
“摘不到的星星，总是最闪亮的，
溜掉的小鱼，总是最美丽的。
错过的电影，总是最好看的，
失去的情人， 总是最懂你的。”
在我心里大声喊吧！
已经陵晨2.21分了。
不知不觉，这是我在短短时间里写了两个post。现在我就写出我的心里话。
忙完assignment一回到家后，我就向我平时一样，做我常做的事。
当我发现到时，十分的愤怒，我差点还把我的电话给丢开。
我发现，有些事情，不知道会比知道好。
有些事情，受到了伤害，也可能也是一种快乐。
当你受伤时，那，会有人来关心你，在乎你，
那时的开心会比你平时得来的开心还要快乐。
当你从受伤的心爬起来 时，你才会知道你是多么的坚强，
和你身边支持你的人是多么的重要。
当然，我不是什么身边支持者，而是另有其人。
我超反感的叻！但这种反感倒令我感到放心。
我笑我自己，为什么要看到这反感的事才会感到开心，
而不是我自己去做那些反感的事，自己来开心呢？
我现在可想大声喊出我的心里话啊，
可是现在已经凌晨3点了，不好意识喊啊...
不但没礼貌喊出来，也没资格喊。
那没关系，我就在我心里大声喊吧！
“拜访”Trista家记2
我回来了！写下一个short post来说说自己的今天。
现在已经晚上11.37分，我才到家！好累哦！等下我们一group还得做proposal啊！
哈哈！刚开我的Bit Comet,我的The Sims 3 + World Adventures已经download完了！
本来是要特地download这game来显示些东西，可是已经不用了，开心的玩就够了！
今天的我，就好像最近的我一样，没什么改变。
到了college,我就去找Meng Zai. 集合了后，我们就去TBR找Trista，喝杯水。
然后准备做Assignment，可是，我留了很重要的文件在家！
Trista只好载我回家拿...那时的Trista快要杀掉我了！
拿完所有东西后，我们三人就开始忙了。
首先，我们去了MCD吃午餐。说来可怕，一个星期2次叻！
过后，因为有点“小意外”，我得驾Trista的车，一快去她家做Assignment.
过后，Sharon也来了，那时的我们赶紧加油！
终于，我们完成了80%！所以，等下的我们必须完成另15%！
开心的是，今晚不用睡！赶完Assignment就看海派甜心！啊哈哈哈！
现在的我就得马上加油哦！
“钱”的反感
达浪~达浪~达浪达浪达浪达浪达浪~~
哈哈！看太多海派甜心了!
星期六时，我一天就看到第六集了！
哈哈！那么得空？！因为我没做功课咯 ！
在这套戏里，陈宝珠的妈妈就是那么说，
“我当初就是嫁给你爸爸这个穷光蛋，就是看上他有志气！blablabla~”
所以说，钱是多么的重要啊~
就是那么的重要，也令我反感，但没办法啊 ，它就是那么的可爱...
当你没钱时，又要自做聪明，扮个有钱人的样子，会令人反感的。
说的倒也是，我看到了都感到讨厌。
记得我小时候，家里环境很好，要吃什么大餐听都没问题。
但现在就不同了，当你没钱时，人家就会用白鸽眼来看你。
家人也不例外。
被人看轻的感觉，真不好受。
是，现在的我就是个穷光蛋，那又怎样？
可能我是有那么的“自做聪明”，你可以那么的反感，我没关系。
发现到，电话里的RM9的credit,也就剩那么的RM0.03,
就在一天叻！挺厉害的！
我知道我知道，有些人比我跟厉害。
和你们比较，我就是10:100嘛...
别那样看我嘛...
所以说，现在的我们，必须好好读书，
以后一定要赚钱给家人，不要让他们委屈，被些人看不起。
赚钱又是另一件事，我们不可忽列到家人。
以后赚到钱了，你就可以“懒惰”一下，陪陪家人。
有一个幸福的家庭，那才是最快乐。
就好像我在英语的演讲时所说的，
“Money cannot buy happiness, but it can enchant our happiness.”
有些事，这样就是这样了，你还没改变，但人家已经改变了。
而且，人家还跑得比你远远的。
所以你也必须追上，不可以给别人看低。
是！不可以让人看轻你！
一个觉悟
在19日的下午，有了机会和她联络，
但我浪费了，还说了一些不该说的话，
她没说出来，但我知道她对那很反感。
现在已经凌晨3.30了，也写了一小时半的post，
那算了了什么？
有些人会说，那么夜了还不睡，
有功课不做。
如果我不说出来，我睡不早，
我根本就是无力。
还有很多很多的心事还埋在心里，
还没说出来。
但我想，说出来，真的会舒服点吗？
一些不开心的事，一些错事，
说了但没去改，也都是一样。
17 December, 2009, Feel Really Tired Today
17 December, 2009, Feel really tired today.
I went to college at 8.45am by bus today. Feel kinda uncomfortable for taking bus to college anymore. I felt kinda weird while sitting around the strangers, felt so lonely.
And now, I'm getting used to drive to college. I know it is not many time that I drive there, only 5 times. 20 minutes top, I can reach my destination, comfortable and fast. I only have to focus on the road and drive carefully, don't have to think much. Of coz, we have to drive safe on the road!
And now, the longest driving history of my life is to Putrajaya!
Today, Trista, Sharon, Meng Zai and I went to Time Square to buy plain T-shirts and T-shirt printing paper for our assignment. It was a tired journey for me, coz of my leg, it started to pain again, and it is even worse this time. I still can feel the pain right now. After the "shopping", we went back to college, but we decided to ponteng English class, again... We are really sleepy and tired...
When I reached Chow Kit, I almost got bang by a car... Don't know why, I didnt see that car coming, maybe I was thinking of something else... After a 2 minutes walk, it started to rain. So, I have to walk to bus stop in the rain and stand in the rain for waiting the bus. It was really cold out there. And I dropped something important, but I managed to pick it back up on the road.
When I got on the bus, I still have to stand on the bus, and my leg hurts, I barely stand properly on that time.
I reached home at 7.30pm.
DotA at 9.00pm, End game at 10pm (lose)
Sleeps at 11.30pm later.
Goodnight, as always does.
一个早上
刚和爸爸去咖啡店吃完早餐回来。
回来后就马上写着一个post了。
今天早上，
把nasi lemak当成早餐的习惯又回来了。
不知道为什么，我刚才很想吃。
当我去买nasi lemak时，
我在那走廊上，
走了走，
让我想起了，
叫她起床的电话，
还真是... ...
当然，
我写部落格的习惯也回来了！
Trip to Putrajaya
The Putra Jaya photoshot's Trip and Others
Now I'm online at Fei's home! So quiet here! creepy~
Just back from Putra Jaya! Fei and me drive to Putra Jaya~ Total of 8 people in this trip! Tired of driving... Sucks that I can't drive my car fast enuff due to performance of my old car... We reached Putra Jaya at 12am.
Took some photos with tripod on. Bad that I dont have much nice photos... Will upload some picture soon enuff.
When the clock turned to 4.45am++, we already "fly" back to Wangsa Maju and have our "breakfast" at BRJ. We finished our breakfast at 5am++
And now, I'm ended up sitting infront of Fei's PC, ready for DotA soon.
And i Just logged into my Facebook, and I saw Poh Poh have a new relationship status! Fu Yoh~ Poh Poh! Great JOB! Good Luck to you!
While writing on my blog, there is a lot of things come in mind. But they are unessasary thoughts.
Should I go to sleep or DotA? But I can't sleep at all! Nevermind, play DotA to get high for awhile, no need tro think so much.
These few days, I just play DotA and other offline games only. I'm taking them as my drug, AGAIN!
Nvermind Nevermind! There will be better soon.
The Days of Last Week and YESTERDAY
Satisfied!
Before & After
What is in my mind now?
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
---Questions to myself---
I was thinking, what am I doing right now? Uploading old photos? YES!
Am I doing my assignment? NO! coz I'm tired of it...
Streamyx sucks?! YES! Lately, it sucks for 2 days on me!
Am I hungry? YA! I want to eat Maggi... ==
There are many LOVE on my table? YA! They are in a mess, in my wallet too!
Still thirst for DotA? ERM... MAYBE... @@!!
I need $? ARE YOU NEEDED? ME TOO!!!
Lack of confidence on myself? A VERY VERY "YA"!....
I hate my assignment? NOT REALLY... Kinda like them too!
I'm I confuse on something? NOT SURE...
Do I look sleepy now? YES...
Main point, am I lazy?! UNDERSTOOD, YES! I AM!
~~BORING~~
26, Nov, 8.20PM
Cancel my trip to Port Dickson for tomorrow.
